the gate’s open
I’m not exactly sure where this urge comes from. When I enjoy something, it makes me feel odd that other people could possibly like it. The existence of gatekeeping tells me this is not just a me problem. For me, I think it’s mostly insecurity of various flavors. There’s a part of me that thinks that somehow other people will be better at liking things than me (??). There’s another part of me that tells me I need to be extraordinary, and that in order to do that i need to be set apart and I can’t join in on the fun. Maybe it was a coping mechanism at some point, some way to deal with feeling alienated from my peers. A postfix justification for my on loneliness. In my adulthood, it keeps me from engaging with things. It seems so contradictory, isn’t this how one finds community? I see something fun and I start the process of convincing myself why I shouldn’t go. I want to gently start saying yes first. I just bought tickets to see the Jet Lag the Game finale in theaters. It’s been my strongest hyperfixation for a few months now. The theater looks packed! 1 2 Seems like there’s a lot of transit nerds in my city.